My last week being pregnant...

Friday, June 13, 2014

Where do I even begin to start- First of all I am grateful to be pregnant and have cherished every single moment of this pregnancy; the good and the bad.  I know a lot of women that strive for this for so long and for some it never happens and for me to actually be able to carry and nourish another life for 9 months is a blessing.  I know a lot have hard pregnancies and then I think some just like to say they do but I honestly think this pregnancy has been easy and I have been able to do pretty much anything I have wanted to for the entire duration.  I'm having a lot of mixed emotions at this point.  For so long it has been just her and I- I have felt every roll, kick, hiccup, flip, turn, somersault... I will never forget the day that I felt those first butterflies [absolutely inspiring].  At that point this pregnancy was truly real for me and I prayed a lot in the days following to let me just feel her kick one more time.  I worry myself sick over minor things such as lifting something I thought might be too heavy or doing too much-she will be a tough little cookie when she comes out-but in the end like a good little girl she reassured me she was ok by letting me know she was still in there doing well.  As the day approaches that we go to have her I am anxious to see her- what color hair will she have, will she have blue eyes like me or hazel like Spencer, who's personality will shine through or will she have one of her own- but in the same sense I don't want to give her up.  She is mine and I am hers, I have nourished and cared for her from day one [I am sitting here crying as I type this- hormones, probably but I have had this same thought over and over for the past 2 months].  I have rubbed her when she balled up in my abdomen, I have just sat with my hand on my stomach feeling her go from one side to the other- I have always looked forward to feeling her move whether its in the middle of the day, I'm in a business meeting or 11 pm and I'm dog tired- I will miss being able to feel her move around all the time.  I have no doubt in my mind that Spencer and I will be good parents because this little girl is already loved more than she will possibly ever know [Chandler your Gigi can't stand it that you're not here, she rubs my belly and talks to you constantly (if you felt someone poking and squeezing you it was her because she loves to feel you move) and I know that your Papa will break down as soon as he sees you].  She may never actually learn to walk because she will constantly be held and loved on :).  I am excited that she will have so many cousins her age- Baby Everett & McKenzie and we don't yet know what Joe and Jessica's little one will be but they will all be born in the same year.  Spencer was so scared [he probably still is but has learned to hide it] when he found out that we were having a girl.  He thought that a little boy would be easy and he would have someone to get dirty with- to play in the mud and go hunting/ fishing with.  I know that she will be right there beside him because to her he will have lit the stars and hung the moon.  Everyone has reassured him that little girls love their daddy's [she will be no different] but I don't think anyone can prepare him for the first time that he meets her; that's what I am most excited about, I can't wait for Spencer to officially meet Chandler. I think at this point though he has started coming around and he loves to see all of the pink, glitter, tutus and bows.  He talks about how cute she will be and what all he will do with her.  He is excited to take her to Marion Co. football games to show her off.  This last week of pregnancy I have caught him absently patting my belly or him glancing over as I watch her move.  We found out that she will arrive by C-section since she is breech and in no way, shape or form interested in moving so he is a little nervous about that.  I'm nervous for the surgery but honestly, whatever it takes at this point to make sure that she arrives safely is what we will do, no questions asked.  I catch myself staring into her nursery and its hard for me to imagine her being here... laying in her crib or us changing her on the dresser; I'm anxious to sit with her in the rocker, just her and I, to just take her in and love her.  There's really no point to this post other than I don't want these emotions and these thoughts to escape me.  I know once she arrives we won't be able to remember a whole lot of what our lives were like before she was in them.  To some degree I want the next week to fly by so we can meet her but on the other hand I want time to stop so that it can just be her and I for a little while longer.

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